Dec. 15th, 2018

 so i've been thinking for awhile that i miss the old days when i blogged more than 240 characters at a time.

was toying with the idea of starting up a tumblr for longer-form musings and whatnot.

yeah so that's not going to happen. RIP honestly my favorite part of the internet. i'm still processing the grief & anger fallout. 

so i finally got around to importing my old LJ over here and shining it up a bit. considered deleting everything and starting over.....

but this blog is a huge chunk of my past. there's posts here from when i was 15 and just getting into fandom. there's my entire Tanzania travelogue. back then, i was anxious, excitable, christian, thought i was straight. now i'm uhhhhh extremely queer, but like VERY queer, polyamorous, agnostic/atheist/interested in Judaism. i was a right-winger for most of my life and now i'm some flavor of socialist / communist / anarchist??? / leftist. 

anyway I've changed and grown a lot, but this is my history, so i'm leaving it here for now.

it's scary to cross the streams but uhhhh, hey folks. this has been my teen fandom blog.

but i'm going to start using it as my post-tumblr tumblr. 
[CN: SELF-DIRECTED QUEERPHOBIA/TRANSPHOBIA]

 ok so i'm genderqueer

i think i'm nonbinary / a nonbinary woman.

it sort of comes and goes. i'll have weeks where i'm like "who's awesome? THIS GIRL" 

and then weeks where "woman" and "girl" and "female" are nails on a chalkboard and ugggggggggghhhh no

the TROUBLE is...

i 100% believe in other peoples' non-binary-ness, but struggle to accept that it's a valid option for me.

me: "you can identify however you want! if you consider yourself nonbinary that's enough and valid!"
also me: "LOOK SELF, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT YOU'RE A WOMAN???"

me: "presentation =/= identity!"
also me: ("but i pass as cis so maybe i'm not really nonbinary?")

i don't have the same impossible standards for other people. just for me.

sigh.

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pencildragon

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